Christmas 2011

Another year goes by and probably we don’t look the same; as the song says, another grey hair and more smile lines show up how we drift away from youth, but this doesn’t necessarily mean giving up our hopes and dreams.

Near the end of the year, I think it is a healthy habitude to review what happened during these twelve months.

The year 2011 started with a lot of things that were near to reach the goal. My daughter, who has been studying in Sicily (Italy) for three years, was near to finish her studies. My son was finishing at the high-school (in fact, in a semi-boarding school) and he was thinking of studying at the University of Navarra –800 km /500 miles – up to the north from Granada. He thought to study law and this university has got one of the most reputed faculties in Spain. On my side, I started having problems getting financing for research projects from the Regional Government and the second try for a collaborative project on “Systems Biology” with MSU/UCL/Purdue colleagues wasn’t successful. I assume that this hideous name: “crisis” is everywhere and started to affect research funds too.

Spain has gone through troubling times, especially during the last summer, in which it was at the verge of being intervened by EU in order to prevent from a defaulting that could make the Euro fall apart. Spain is the fourth economy in the EU (1380 billions of US dollars of National Product), and thus a failure to pay the debts would be a huge problem for the rest of European economies.

Regarding academic issues, as of January 2011, I thought that things couldn’t get worse, and thus they should start to improve --a little bit, at least-- in the following months –very optimistic as usual, I didn’t realize that Mr. Rodriguez-Zapatero had more “brilliant ideas” in the oven to make Spain get out of the crisis. The next “measure” was to lower the salaries of functionaries, which also includes university professors in Spain. In consequence, we started the new year 2011 earning 7% less than the preceding one. Don’t ever say “things couldn’t get worse”, since they actually can!

My daughter finally finished her studies and by the end of July she succeeded the “Laurea” and earned the diploma of “doctoressa ingeniera” at the Technical University of Palermo. The equivalent in US universities could be a M.S. in Civil Engineering degree. After some hesitations during the summer she decided to return to Palermo, where she has recently found a job in an Italian company dedicated to terrain evaluation. She and her Italian boyfriend have settled in Palermo and they are planning to get married next year. I must say at this point, as "a pedantic citation" of Prince Salina in the Lampedusian’s Gato Pardo: “a man at mi age, who think of him as to be still young…”, has to realize that he’s no more and never will be, when he sees the children leaving him and starting lives on themselves.

Regarding my son, he got a “not bad” grade in the regional examination to get admitted in the University, but –because he’s a lucky pal in this world— he managed to get a student seat on “Business Administration and Law” at the University of Granada. You need an “A” grade to have a chance to get admitted in these studies, but he managed to get in with only a “B”. I can’t imagine what he said in the interview, but surely we will know about the adventures and life of the “famous writer to be” when he will finish the book of “memories” that he’s writing in secrecy in his room.

At last, but not least, my life has been plenty of unexpected happenings during this year. I had one trial that I won and new professional expectations that will probably mean moving to the University Complutense of Madrid. People around say that the actual reason of my decision to change to another university in Madrid it’s because I'm looking for getting closer to the famous “Santiago Bernabeu”, the home stadium of Real Madrid. I can make sure to you all that this is not the main reason of my desire to move to the capital of Spain –but, anyway, the latter one has been a good guess!

With the new Government in Spain, the Science and Innovation Ministry has disappeared, and thus the issues related to science funding and new research projects are now managed by the Ministry of Economy. Therefore, might it make sense to live where the money is?

I don’t want to finish this twelve-months-life-briefing without mentioning a short and pleasant stay at the University of Koblenz, kindly invited by my friend and colleague professor Dieter Zöebel. I was accommodated in a typical German “guest-house” looking into the Mossel river; in the morning I could see the beavers and wild ducks swimming in the cold and clean waters of this magnificent river, which produces in its banks one of the best white wines of the world!

As usual, I’m writing this in the very last minute, on my way to home from Barcelona, during the Christmas eve. There is one good thing in that: this writing comes directly from my heart -–there is no make-up in it.

And from my heart too, dear friends, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and that the best of your desires and dreams could made true in the new year 2012.



New Year wish: May 2012 brings the freedom to the tough people that the anthem sings:

In Barcelona: mother's operation

I'm in Barcelona since yesterday to accompany my mother in a eye surgery, which she has to undergo urgently. She has been suffering from heavy pain and humour distillitation in one of her eyes for the last two months. Doctors say she needed a new surgery to replace the cornea since it is unrecoverable --the diagnosis was permanent edema-- in its present condition.

This is the result of a bad catarats surgery she had 5 years ago. We will stay here until Christmas eve if everything goes smoothly with her operation, as I expect it will be if no further complications appear after the procedure.

I'll like to be in an island far away from the rest of the world right now. I'm living one of these moments in which one can't see a clear path to go on with your life.

C'est ton nom (It is your name...)

The song I asked for in the small "bistrot" in Sacré Coêur and that the singer lady didn't know about it...

C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui berce mes jours et nuits | that cradles my days and nights
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui partout me poursuit | which chases me everywhere (I go)
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui vient se mêler à mes pleurs | that comes to blend my tears with
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui trahit mon bonheur | that betrays my happiness

C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui fait que maintenant j'oublie | that makes me to forget now everything
Tous les noms | all the names
Qui ont rempli ma vie | that have ever filled my life
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui revient s'accrocher têtu | which comes back to stick stubbornly with me

Sur le pont | on the bridge
De mes rêves perdus | of my lost dreams

Qui a tous les pouvoirs | which has all the powers
Qui prend tous les reflets | which takes all the reflections
Du bleu de mes espoirs | from the blue of my hopes
Au gris de mes regrets | to the grey of my regrets
Et quand il faudra vieillir | And when it will be necessary to grow old
Qu'il faudra se souvenir | I will remember
Mes yeux fatigués ne verront | my tired eyes won't see but your name
Encore que ton nom | always your name.

C'est ton nom | It's your name
Que je murmure ou que je crie | that I whisper or I cry on
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Qui dort sous ma folie | that sleeps under my madness
C'est ton nom | It's your name
Dont j'entends le troublant écho | of which I hear its disturbing echo,
Sans raison au bout de tous les mots | without any reason, at the end on every word
Que j'entendrai toujours | that I will always listen
Jusqu'à mon dernier jour | until my last day
Jusqu'à mon dernier jour | until my last day

Romance de Paris

It is already 6 years since that happened 2 us...

Ils s'aimaient depuis deux jours à peine | They loved each other only near 2 days ago
Y a parfois du bonheur dans la peine | There is somtimes happiness in the sorrow,
Mais depuis qu'ils étaient amoureux | but since they had fallen in love
Leur destin n'était plus malheureux, | their destiny wasn't disgraced anymore.
Ils vivaient avec un rêve étrange | They lived in a strange dream
Et ce rêve était bleu comme les anges | and this dream was sky--blue like the angels.
Leur amour était un vrai printemps, oui | Their love was an authentic spring time,
Aussi pur que leurs tendres vingt ans | so pure as their 20 naive years were.

[Refrain:]
C'est la romance de Paris | This is the romance in Paris
Au coin des rues, elle fleurit | It blossomed in the street corners
Ça met au coeur des amoureux | It puts in the lovers' heart
Un peu de rêve et de ciel bleu | a little of dream and blue sky
Ce doux refrain de nos faubourgs | this sweet pun of our inner city quartiers
Parle si gentiment d'amour | so gently talks of love
Que tout le monde en est épris | that everybody feels so passionate
C'est la romance de Paris | This the romance in Paris

La banlieue était leur vrai domaine
Ils partaient à la fin de la semaine
Dans les bois pour cueillir le muguet
Ou sur un bateau pour naviguer
Ils buvaient aussi dans les guinguettes
Du vin blanc qui fait tourner la tête
Et quand ils se donnaient un baiser, oui
Tous les couples en dansant se disaient

[au Refrain]

C'est ici que s'arrête mon histoire
Aurez-vous de la peine à me croire?
Si j'vous dis qu'il s'aimèrent chaque jour
Qu'ils vieillirent avec leur tendre amour
Qu'ils fondèrent une famille admirable
Et qu'ils eurent des enfants adorables
Qu'ils moururent gentiment, inconnus, oui
En partant comme ils étaient venus

Tango

Tango

Quizás nos quede debajo de la coraza
algo que un ángel pueda hacer latir.
Está ya congelado para no sentir,
ni despertarme a la flor ni oler la mañana.

Garnatí.

Licking my wounds in Tetouan

I just took 3 spare days left for a short vacation in Tetouan (Morocco). I came back to our place of these days: "El Reducto" ... alone!

At the moment, I have had 1 trial, 1 "examination" for a professorship in Madrid, 1 appellation for the unfair result, the next operation of my mother and a lot of pending work and problems, as usual.

Trying to get around of all of that, I escaped from my apartment for 4 days, forgetting my bag at the elevator door, in the garage. I was so anguished and craving for leaving that I left behind part of my luggage. I've had to buy 2 shirts and 3 shorts in Tetouan to survive until Sunday. Thankfully, I could solve everything for only 500 dirhams (<50 EUR), which includes tooth paste, shave foam and other personal luxuries that I needed to buy. Also, I called my neighbor to rescue the baggage, which luckily hadn't been stolen! Only the harira soup gives me some comfort tonight, after having had such a hideous adventure.

In Madrid for a Complutense professor position

Tomorrow at 11.00, I will be confronting another candidate for a position of professor in the "Facultad de Informática" at Universidad Complutense of Madrid. I don't have any opportunity since the other candidate appointed 2 out 5 jury members, but I gonna fight for it; as I fought all my life long... alone! One must be too crazy or desperate to go through this situation, but I feel that I can't do otherwise. I only think in the "combat" with concern, I'm conscious of the risk , but I want to fight for the new life that I'd earn if I won, I gonna fight to honor my principles and manhood and also for whom is not more with me. I think her in this lonely and bitter instant, in which I'm watching over my arms for the combat of tomorrow.

My heart is venezuelan

I can't explain this, but it's true: I found this out recently. I can't have Spanish breakfasts anymore; yesterday, I was preparing tortillas and put in small slices of 'lechosa' and cheese. I can't stand the strong coffee anymore, I only drink natural toasted coffee from there! ... and I feel a deep emotion when I hear "Alma llanera". The other day, I was looking for small black beans in the supermarket to prepare the "Pabellon".

I want, I need, to get there a.s.a.p. I'm dying for seeing Choroní again and fishing, and sailing in this blue turquoise sea. I can't live with the sadness of not seeing Venezuela again!

I want to remain in Venezuela forever. I love the land and people. I love José Antonio Abreu and I laugh with the jokes about "gallegos". Moreover, I feel sympathetic to Gustavo Dudamel, which means to be in a very bad mental condition! So --I reckon-- I'm getting fucking crazy out here: I'm getting sick of nostalgia of a country which is not the mine.

I can't believe what is happening to me... I'm on the verge of tears when I listen to venezuelan music and I like to talk with latinamerican master students, because their accent reminds me the way the people talk over there!

No more Christmas trees...

No more Christmas trees for me


Christmas time is approaching to us, but I can’t set up a new tree, though the one you set up on here last year has grown near 10 cm. I wish you could decorate it this year as well as you did the last one. I can see the scene if I close my eyes, with your skilled and delicate fingers, you were putting golden ribbons and small balls one afternoon long, and making a golden star of bright paper for the top … No, I can’t have another Christmas tree ever, never again!, there are beautiful memories of the past that can’t be treasoned with expensive, emotionless, trees.

Hispanic Day

Today (October, 12th) is the Hispanic Day.

In Spain and all the Latinamerican world is remembered that day of 1492, in which Cristóbal Colón in command of a tiny ship, the “Santa María”, and two carabelles, the “Niña” and the “Pinta”, arrived in the American land; or more precisely, in the Guanahany island, which he called “la Española”. Besides the fact it was a heroic deed, regarding the courage of the crew, the skill of the commander and the fragility of the ships –they did the voyage almost without guiding instruments-- we can find the gigantic willingness of Spain, of Elisabeth of Castilla, named the Catholic Queen, the authentic driving force of the enterprise and the unique person who believed in Colón's reasons to set off for this uncertain and dangerous adventure.

Colon thought to have arrived to the province of Catay (China), without suspecting at all that a new continent, following the route drawn by the Earth's roundness, unknown at the time, stood in the way to the far East. This continent ended up to be known as America, instead of Columbia as it should have been named.

I pay tribute to this day and the celebration with this wonderful song from Venezuela:



Since the most glorious outcome of this enterprise was that our language, culture and view of human relationships will remain, even though Spain --as we know it today-- might not.

"How sad"

How sad it was to say goodbye, when we adored each other most.
Even the swallows emigrated foreseeing the end ...



Still no words... but I feel like a turmoil of feelings growing inside me, seeking their way.

I had to lose and I have lost to you

Speechless ... after listening (again) this song:

Love of my loves

“Amor de mis amores”

y pensar que te adoraba tiernamente… que a tu lado como nunca me sentí
y por esas cosas raras de la vida sin el
beso de tu boca yo me vi!

… qué me hiciste que no puedo conformarme
sin poderte contemplar!

si dejaste de quererme no te preocupes que
la gente de eso no se enterará; que gano con decir
que tu amor cambió mi suerte, se burlarán de mí, qué
nadie sepa mi sufrir!


“Love of my loves”

“And thinking that I adored you so tenderly … laid beside you I felt as I never did”

And for those weird things that happen in life, I saw myself without your kisses!

… what you did to me that I cannot go by without gazing you any more!

If you gave up loving me, you wouldn't need to be worried whatsoever because people won't ever realize that; what do I win by saying that your love changed my luck? They will make fun of me: it would be better that no one knows of my suffering!


May God bless Maria Dolores Pradera who sang this song many years ago and listening it again gives peaceful feeling!

Love and other drugs

I'm here again. I just finished to see that movie and I feel very sad. In the end, I just bitterly realized that everybody is able to solve his love issues but me.

If have a look to the plot, we can see a couple to be, but they are struggling with a lot of problems. The woman is a 26-y old with Parkinson's disease and the man is a crazy "drug rep" (of Pfizer!), who was told that having a relationship with someone with Parkinson is a dead-end, there would be no future at all for them at medium term. It seems as there is no hope is such a relationship, even though she is at stage one of the disease by now, their future will be hideous. She will develop an increasing tremor that will impede her from doing simple things that we all do on a daily basis, such as to clean herself. Sooner than later, he will see her loosing the face expression, having dementia and ending up to not recognize him anymore.


In spite of all the above foreseeable tragedy, he gets to realize that he wouldn't live without her. There was something in the initial period of the relationship that profoundly changed his self-perception forever. For the first time in his life, he had found a person that "really cares" of him; and then, he realized that he can't go on with his life without having her around. After a break-up, he realized how painfully needs her and finally managed to express it, just in the very last minute before leaving for Chicago to take a new job position he had got in the company as consequence of winning promotion (for the huge success he had with the Viagra sales!).

So, what the hell! It seems like as everyone knows how to rightly express his true feelings to the "important" person,i.e., that person you meet by chance once in life and causes such a big impact in your perception of the world and your prior approach to daily issues that you cannot return to be the same as before. The one that makes you, one day,realize that your entire life will not have any sense without her, anymore.

Well, I failed. Yes, I failed to keep this special person with me forever. Perhaps, like the "drug rep" of the movie, I thought that this woman wasn't my only ticket to have a fruitful relationship with someone, gorgeous, sexy, young, envy provoking girl; but, contrary to the movie's character, I wasn't smart enough to realize that this person was "the one" for me on time and she went away.

Ever since we broke up, I have been having the sweetest dreams of we both together traveling, walking, chatting, having arguments ... and being immensely happy for the rest of or our lives. Suddenly, I wake up, and the reality in its turbid, grey and no-hope substance shows up again.

Ahí va eso ... "Yira, yira"

A ver si después de entender lo que sigue, oyendo cantar a Carlitos, no se pone uno pimplar hasta mamarse, bien mamao:

Cuando la suerte qu'es grela (= puta, mugre, suciedad)
fayando y fayando (=fracasando)
te largue parao... (= echar fuera)
Cuando estés bien en la vía,
sin rumbo, desesperao...
Cuando no tengas ni fe,
ni yerba de ayer
secándose al sol...

Cuando rajés los tamangos (=destrozar los zapatos)
buscando este mango (=peso, dinero)
que te haga morfar... (=comer)
La indiferencia del mundo
que es sordo y es mudo
recién sentirás.

Verás que todo es mentira
verás que nada es amor
que al mundo nada le importa
Yira... Yira...

Aunque te quiebre la vida,
aunque te muerda un dolor,
no esperes nunca una ayuda,
ni una mano, ni un favor.

Cuando estén secas las pilas
de todos los timbres
que vos apretás,
buscando un pecho fraterno
para morir abrazao...
Cuando te dejen tirao,
después de cinchar, (=trabajar, esforzarse)
lo mismo que a mí...
Cuando manyés que a tu lado (=darse cuenta)
se prueban la ropa
que vas a dejar...
te acordarás de este otario (=tonto, cándido)
que un día, cansado,
se puso a ladrar.





Y si quieren tener la "carne de gallina", pinchen aquí: http://youtu.be/9Yuff1_2Ju4

Mi doctorando (al fin) lee la tesis...

Preparense porque esta entrada "manda huevos" ...
Hace como seis años un desconocido me pide que le dirija la tesis doctoral; por supuesto, yo le dije que comenzara a trabajar en un tema que, en aquel momento estaba siendo iniciado por otra persona, y ya veríamos si podía comprometerme yo a convertirlo en doctor o no.

Ay,ay, ay! qué error cometí; como siempre, me implico demasiado con las personas; creo lazos afectivos, de confianza, de amistad, etc. Al poco tiempo, resultó evidente que convertir en doctor a mi "posible doctorando" no iba a resultar sencillo. Efectivamente, tenía toda la voluntad del mundo, era fajado, lo que le encomendabas intentaba hacerlo; pero, ay, no he visto a nadie con menos talento para la investigación científica.

No creo que mi doctorando llegase jamás a entender en qué consistía exactamente lo que tenía que hacer. Eso sí, aprendió a manejar bien LaTeX. Era un incansable buscador de nuevos artículos y referencias relacionadas con sus tema de trabajo que, por cierto, nunca llegó a leer más allá del resumen.

Pues bien, después de años de denodado trabajo. Cada nueva publicación había de corregírsela concienzudamente. El temo de tesis me lo he tenido que leer página a página enmendando errores e insertando alguna "sustancia" donde sólo había "refritos" de otros trabajos mal digeridos. Como digo, fueron necesarias diez versiones de un artículo para que fuera "aceptado" en una revista de cierta categoría.revisión en una revista de cierta categoría. Y ahora, cinco versiones más para tener un nuevo artículo decente que siguiera las recomendaciones de los revisores.

Pues bien, después de este ímprobo esfuerzo para formarlo mínimamente, le insinúo que la tesis que va a leer es "regalada" y me salta diciendo que "a qué me refiero". En fin, la historia se vuelve a repetir, una vez que les has dado casi hecho el material que les permitirá conseguir realizar sus deseos: ser doctores, no sólo olvidan toda la ayuda, sin la cual no hubieran conseguido nada, sino que se convierten en tus mayores enemigos.

Este doctorando no es tan bueno como la otra ingrata. Así que, una vez que lea su tesis doctoral mañana y consiga, al fin, lo que tanto trabajo le costó, creerá que los conseguido es fruto únicamente de su esfuerzo y que no debe nada a nadie. En su pecado llevará la mayor penitencia: jamás conseguirá una publicación buena más del tema de la tesis que ahora va a presentar. Con la última publicación conjunta que, sin duda, será finalmente aceptada se acabó el tema de tesis y una línea de investigación que podría haberle reportado unos mínimos resultados consecuencia del extenuante trabajo que tuvo que realizar durante casi siete años.

Como en una fábula de la La Fontaine, terminaré diciendo: "quien intenta enseñar buena filosofía a quienes no tienen el talento necesario para crearla termina, en el mejor de los casos, ninguneado y quizás odiado como el "opresor" que les impidió llegar a reconocerse como genios".

Si las copas traen consuelo...

Aquí estoy otra vez, añadiendo una nueva entrada a este absurdo blog que nadie sigue.

El caso que hoy nos ocupa es el siguiente: mi amor resultó ser una zorra.

Pero no es tan fácil … quiá! La cosa no es, era una zorra, gracias que me dí cuenta a tiempo, estuve apunto de cometer el error de mi vida, de ser la “perra de su cama” --Sic Miguel Bosé; pero, afortunadamente, un segundo antes de entregarle mi vida entera, de darle el hijo que ella decía que quería y que yo también deseaba, pensé: en esta relación, hasta ahora, lo he puesto yo todo ¿por qué no probar hasta donde estaría dispuesta a llegar? ¿abandonaría su supuesta “seguridad”?¿vendría a vivir conmigo sin importarle el futuro?¿sería una esposa al fin?

En honor a la verdad, tengo que aceptar que mi comportamiento dejó mucho que desear; no fue precisamente claro, pero cómo podía comprometerme con ella para siempre sin tener una mínima base sobre la que comenzar nuestra vida en común.

Mi familia jamás la aceptaría; de mis hijos, mejor olvidarme: el mejor comentario de mi hijo, cuando vió una vez su foto: ¿quién es esa mujer? (sonando como a “cómo puedes tú relacionarte con esa mujer”).

Bien, acepto haber sido cobarde y no haber tenido el valor de enfrentarme a todos, y haciendo valer mi amor por ella, romper con todos y quedarme esperando el día en que ella decidiera venirse a vivir conmigo. Lo siento, no soy el héroe que fuera capaz de esperar en soledad su sacrificio: renunciar a su posición para comenzar conmigo una nueva andadura de futuro incierto.

Pero, ¿es posible que en menos de un mes desde que rompimos esté babeando con un antiguo pretendiente? ¿que haya olvidado lo que fuimos el uno para el otro y esté deseando ser poseída por un individuo del que ahora se siente locamente enamorada, después de entregarse a mí con “toda su alma”?

Supongo que a estas alturas de mi vida, después de todas las experiencias vividas; después de haber sido víctima de un engaño durante casi siete años, debería sentirme, al fin, liberado y feliz por no haber llegado hasta el final y, posiblemente, haber cometido el error de mi vida.

Pero, de pronto, por casualidad, escucho el viejo tango: “si su amor fue flor de un día, por qué causa es siempre mía esta cruel preocupación ...Nostalgias de escuchar su risa loca y sentir junto a mi boca como un fuego su respiracion... quiero por los dos mi copa alzar para olvidar mi obstinacion, y mas la vuelvo a recordar”

Recuerdo la noche estrellada de San Rafael de Mucuchíes, donde abrazados, bajo las estrellas nos declaramos amor eterno, y ahora, sigue sonando el tango: “ Llora mi alma de fantoche sola y triste en esta noche, noche negra y sin estrellas”.

Hasta las estrellas parecen haberme abandonado en esta noche triste. Quizás el resto de mi vida esté condenado a recordar el amor-verdad que no pudo ser. En esta noche infame, incluso, perdonaría lo innombrable. No creo haber caído máś bajo jamás en mi vida y todo por el amor de una mujer que está en brazos de otro hombre, que la quiere, y al que ella, sin duda, quiere. Mujer a la que yo no supe retener, pero a la que, a mi manera, amé y estuve a punto de entregarme... como jamás a ninguna otra lo hice.

“Si las copas traen consuelo, aqui estoy con mi desvelo para ahogarlo de una vez”.